8 Controversial Decisions Every Family will Make

Mom Boards. Have you heard of them? Also called discussion boards, they are groups of moms with the same interests; same baby's birthday, or feeding style, etc etc. I follow quite a few of them and here are some of the issues that generate hundreds of comments, questions, and debates. Read on to see what some of the most controversial topics are and what we've decided so far works
 for our little family.

1. How to give birth
At home, in a birth center or in a hospital? Pain meds or med free? Scheduled c section or vaginal birth? Who knew there would be so many decisions on birthing a baby. This is a hot one because there are some moms who think everything needs to be natural and some moms who want all the interventions to prevent pain. There is no wrong answer - getting the baby out safely should be the ultimate goal, but how you choose to do it is a very personal decision. Whether it be because your mom did it one way, or because you just want the baby out the baby is going to be born regardless. And sometimes you go in one way and the baby has their own plans.

I opted for a med free birth because I wanted a quicker recovery and to to be out of the hospital ASAP. I also don't take a lot of medicine any way unless I have a really bad headache and need an ibuprofen, or nyquil for a cold. But you can ask Mike, I have to literally be close to dying before I take anything.

2. Bed Share / Room Share / Own Room
This is a hot one because Parents base sleeping arrangements on how the baby's temperament will be later in life. Own room in their crib = more independent or sleep with parents = more empathetic. There are a lot of studies done on this recently saying that bed sharing increases SIDS risk, but that the baby should room share and sleep in their own bassinet or pack n play until 6 months to a year old because it decreases SIDS risk allowing the parents to better hear them and feed or change them in the middle of the night.

We opted to room share in a pack n play. Sometimes I let her lay with us in the mornings after feeding but I can't sleep with her at night for the fear that I'd accidentally roll over her to hurt her in some way.

3. Sleeping on Back vs Stomach
The recommendations keep on changing on so many of these topics its so hard to keep up. When our parents or grandparents were raising us, the recommendation was to have babies sleep on their stomachs to help prevent flat spots. Now the recommendation is to have them sleep on their backs to reduce the risk of suffocation and SIDS risk. But now that babies are sleeping on their backs it increases the risk for flat spots and the need to use helmets to reshape the head if they are severe enough.

We put Addie on her back, although she did have pretty good head control from the get go so she was able to turn her head from side to side.


4. Crying it out (CIO) vs Not

The Ferber method was popular for a number of years in the 80's which stated that letting your baby cry themselves to sleep would make your baby more independent and teach them how to put themselves back to sleep when they wake up in the middle of the night. But babies can't be too spoiled with attention or with holding them or rocking them to sleep etc. They don't understand the concept of cause and effect yet so they are crying because they need something and its the only way they know how to communicate - whether it be food, a diaper change or comfort. But there's a lot of research stating that letting a baby cry for too long when they are too young can be harmful for their development setting them up for thinking that they should be quiet and that their needs will be ignored.

We have at times let Addie cry for 5 minutes tops on particularly trying nights, but I will usually give her a minute if she's starting to wake up to see if she falls back to sleep because they do go through a number of sleep cycles at night where they shift around but not fully awake. She's usually good at going back to sleep without much intervention *knock on wood*

5. Breastmilk vs Formula-feeding
There was a campaign for a number of years touting that breast is best, fighting the image that formula feeding was better and easier from campaigns of yesteryear. Breastfeeding is a perfectly natural way to feed your child and it is the perfect food for them, adjusting to their needs and during sickness. But some moms can't or don't choose to breastfeed and that's perfectly fine as well. FED is best. As long as the baby is growing and thriving there should be no judgement.

We decided to breastfeed for as long as we could. It is one of the hardest things I've ever done but once I got used to it its easy. The first two month were the hardest. Cracked and bleeding nips are no joke. But after that it was so much easier to whip out the boob rather than wait to heat up a bottle. Especially in the middle of the night. I hope to continue to breastfeed up to Addie's first birthday and let her self wean around then.

6. Vaccinations
Vaccinations are a recent marvel to science making many fatal diseases obsolete. But not everyone thinks so. There are many "anti-vaxers" who think it is completely natural to get sick and contract disease and let it run its course, thus making the immune system stronger. The problem with that is that there are a number of people not getting vaccinated and so all of these diseases that were eradicated, like small pox, are now making a comeback when we have a great solution to prevent it. Many people don't know that most vaccines contain a dead virus, so that you cannot get sick from them. That is one major reason that many people don't get the flu shot as well. You can get sick from the live attenuated spray that goes in the nose if you are immunocompromised, very young/old, or pregnant.

This one is tough because I have been on both sides. Before nursing school I was totally anti-vax. I thought it was more natural to get sick and make your immune system stronger. In my current opinion, I wouldn't want to put other people at risk for disease. I feel much more strongly about this now that I am a parent.

7. Stay-at-home vs Back to work
Child care is not cheap. Some people need to weigh the decision on whether it's a better idea financially to have one parent stay home to watch the kid(s). If you're working only to pay for child care, it may make some sense. But there are also benefits on going back to work - if you're making enough as a combined family income to pay someone else for childcare as well as other expenses.

I honestly needed to go back to work to save my sanity. As much as I love talking to my daughter all day, It's nice talking to other adults as well. It also socializes her to other people which we think is very important. I also need to work to pay for bills and student loans, health insurance, etc etc. I can't keep still and I constantly need to be busy, even if that means juggling a baby and two jobs.

8. Purees vs Baby Lead Weaning (BLW)
Everyones heard of giving pureed food to babies, but Baby led weaning is a relatively new phenomenon based out of the UK in which babies essentially feed themselves small chunks of soft finger foods. The idea is that it decreases the risk for obesity because the baby is feeding themselves until they feel full, and choosing from an array of foods which may make them more adventurous eaters. And it also takes the extra step of mashing/pureeing, or preparing the foods which could be a lot of extra work. The drawback with BLW is the risk for choking. The trick is to make sure baby is old enough to handle solids so that his gag reflex isn't so pronounced. BLW is usually not recommended until at least 6 months of age.

We haven't started solids yet, but we did get the green light to start with baby oatmeal at Addie's 4 month check up based off of her cues. She stares at us and makes a chewing motion with her mouth when we eat, and she has good head control and is basically sitting up on her own with minimal support. I think we'll wait until 5 or 6 months to start solids though, not only because I want to be sure she can sit independently and that her tongue-thrust reflex has disappeared, but also because I don't mind waiting longer to change the smelly diapers that come along with introducing solid foods! 

So there you have it. 8 controversial topics every parent will face. Are there any others that you faced? Any questions or comments on any of the above? Comment below!